Brand New Chimichanga

Monday, October 31, 2005

Monster Mash

Damn, I love this holiday! I hope everyone has as much fun playing dress up as my roommate and I do. Happy Halloween and Trick or Drink, I mean Treat!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Love Stinks

I called the Cowboy Tuesday. We talked for approximately 10 minutes then he said he needed to go and that he'd call me back later. Needless to say I never heard back from him. I really got no explanation as to why he hadn't been in touch other than he was "laying low" for a few days. But he had the nerve to ask where I was Monday night. Like I'm just expected to show up at the bar to hear Chunky and our other friend Abby sing and play guitar. Whatever. I'm on my way to being over it. The Cowboy so doesn't get to smell my hair anymore. He's cut off.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Upside Down

I fear that I have offended some of my male readers. For that I'm sorry. I still stand my statement though. Boys suck. Men on the other hand are just fine. Brad, Jack which are you?

In other news, the Cowboy is a boy and he sucks. I saw him Friday night and after a very, very nice and lengthy good night kiss, he told me he'd definitely see me tomorrow. I haven't seen or heard from him since. Definitely see me tomorrow my ass. I just don't get it. I have no other choice but to call him and ask him what the hell happened. I mean it's pretty much over but I still think I deserve some sort of explanation. If you aren't into me, then just say so. I assure you I will some how manage to go on.

Moving on...
My weekend was pretty fucking bizarre by normal standards. I went to the bar to hang out Friday night (pretty much waiting on the Cowboy to show). Some dude starts talking to me and being the nice little Southern girl that I am I engaged in polite conversation with him. He finally asks me out. I told him I was seeing someone. He asks for my number. Okay are you deaf I just told you I was seeing someone. So he gives me his number instead. A while later he departs. I threw it away later in the night because, well of the Cowboy, but also because I just couldn't go out with someone 20 years older than me!

Then some other guy comes over and starts talking. Okay nice guy but I just can't see myself with some dude with a gold tooth. That's just a little too bling-bling for me. Exit this dude, enter the Cowboy. I had a nice time with the Cowboy. We hung out for a while and talked and flirted and did whatever it is that we do. He had to head home fairly early because he had to work the next morning. He asks me to come outside with him when he leaves. So knowing the he wants to kiss me, I oblige. We kiss for a little bit. He walks away. He comes back. We kiss a little more. This happens maybe three times before he finally makes it to the car.

I go back inside and take my seat. Some time later another guy comes over. Hell this dude is older than the first. He's telling me he's a truck driver, he's shy, he doesn't get to talk to many people. Blah, blah, blah. I just kind of smile and nod. He kisses the side of my head. I politely inform him that I'm friends with most of the big bastards in the place and if he gets out of hand then they would have no problem kicking his ass on my behalf. I thought this was a pretty good deterrent. Apparently not. He kisses me again and this time decides to grope me as well. I pull his hand off my boob and he walks out the door. Smart man.

I'm just sitting there all creeped out when Tommy Lee stops by on his way back from the bathroom. He asks what happened and I tell him. He goes looking for the guy to "kick his ass" but thank God the dude was gone. I didn't want Tommy getting into a fight because of me. Tommy Lee comes back and sits with me on the off chance the molester decides to return. We're chatting like normal and at some point it comes out that I've never seen Apocalypse Now. Tommy thinks I need to watch this movie and I need to watch it with him. Now that we're friends apparently is much more acceptable to hang out and watch movies. So now I've agreed, albeit a little reluctantly, to watch the movie with him at our house. I'm in charge of the movie and he's in charge of lunch. I'm still not sure if he'll even show up.

Tommy Lee calls me at 10:00 the next morning to confirm out movie plans. I guess he's showing up after all. I go and get the movie and he shows up with lunch. Tommy's idea of lunch is bag full of tacos and a 12 pack of beer. We watch the movie, we eat tacos, we drink beer. Six and half hours later he decides he needs to go. We are out of beer. I couldn't tell you the last time I was drunk on Saturday afternoon or the last time I had so much fun hanging out at the house on a Saturday. Tommy Lee and I are much better friends that we were, well whatever we were. He actually made the weekend. If I hadn't been hanging out with him, I would've been obsessing just a bit about the Cowboy. And no Tommy Lee and I are going to date again. We both agree that we like being friends much better. We like each other too much to date.

I stayed in Saturday night because A) I was a bit tipsy B) I had a headache C) I'd only slept 2 1/2 hours the night before D) Friday night was just too fucking weird.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Boys Will Be Boys

Boys suck. That's pretty much all I have to say today. Boys suck. Yep that's it.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Moody Blue

I've been trying to post for a week now. I can't seem to finish any of them that I start. I don't know why that is. I have several half finished entries about my daily activities over the past week, yes mostly concerning the Cowboy. Things are still going pretty well with him, I guess. Still talking to him and or seeing him every day. Got a real kiss from him Monday night. Got several real kisses from him Tuesday night. I like him. I'm pretty sure he likes me. We have fun together. Too bad I just want to say to hell with it and tell him to get lost.

Makes tons of sense, right? Yeah, well, welcome to the inter-workings of my fucked up and addled mind. I think I've mentioned before that I suck at dating. I don't know if I've ever spoken a truer statement in my life. I completely suck at it. I know life is uncertain. I don't like it, but I seem to deal pretty well for the most part. For some reason the uncertainty just bugs the hell out of me when it comes to dating. I guess because I guard my heart closely. It's been broken before and it took me quite some time to glue all the pieces back together. I think I'm a little afraid that not all of fractures have completely healed.

The Cowboy makes me feel amazing. He adores my weird nose crinkle, he likes my fashion sense (which I must admit usually takes a beating here in Alabama), he loves my smile (which I hate). He's funny, he's warm, he's genuine, he's generous, he's a good friend, he's sweet, he's cute, but he's still a man. I think it's pretty obvious that men and women don't think the same way and if you do, then in all likelihood one of you is gay. I know we don't see things the same way. I know we don't think about things the same way. I know relationships aren't cut and dry.

Everyone keeps asking me if the Cowboy and I are dating. I have no answer for them. He's never actually asked me out. With the exception of one Sunday, the only place we've seen each other is at the bar. We never go to the bar together, we always just kind of meet up there. So you tell me, does that constitute as dating? For I haven't a fucking clue.

The unknown makes me a little nuts. It's not like I want to settle down with this guy but it would be nice if I had a slightly better clue as to what is going on. This is why I just want to tell him to fuck off. He's making me feel things that make me extremely uncomfortable. I feel all out of sorts.

Granted not all of that is because of him. I didn't sleep well last night due to almost constant nightmares. Being tired just exaggerates emotions where I'm concerned. I received some upsetting news this week also. I know that's playing a part in all of this too. A tired, confused, upset, weary woman is never a good thing. At least I realize this is the reason I burst into unexplained tears this morning. I'm taking my current mood and the events leading up to it into consideration and I won't be making any big decisions at this time. So don't worry, the Cowboy is safe for the time being but the pitfalls ahead may be unavoidable.

Maybe his funk is going around because Poodle and LBG seem to have caught it too. I hope this is just a phase we're going though and it passes quickly. Big hugs to you both!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

I've Got My Mind Set on You

Okay random thoughts for the day or probably more accurately the ramblings of a mad woman:

1) The Cowboy is adorable.

2) He has the cutest grin.

3) He has a nice nose.

4) He has really nice lips and I want to kiss him. A lot.

5) He hasn't actually asked me out yet. What the hell's up with that?

6) He had the opportunity to ask me to go with him to see our friend play at this restaurant tonight and he didn't. Why not?

7) Why the hell do I get so bajigity about guys?

8) I've talked to him or seen him everyday since Friday but I'm still not sure if he likes me.

9) I'm intrigued and a little scared by his below the belt piercing.

10) I haven't seen him in two days and I kind of miss him.

11) Why after talking to him for 30 minutes to an hour does he sometimes tell me he'll call me back later and then not call?

12) I'm totally smitten with him and that scares me because I don't think I should be.

13) I love his laugh.

14) He has brown eyes. I like brown eyes.

15) He's a twin. (Sorry LBG his brother's married)

16) He doesn't have a steady job at the moment. Slightly concerning.

17) I'm pretty sure he respects me.

18) He always asks how my day was.

19) He helps his mom cook dinner.

20) He loves animals.

21) He likes to have a good time.

22) I think he drinks too much sometimes.

23) He's not that tall.

24) He smells nice.

25) I like the way he touches me.

26) He holds doors open for me.

27) He's a gentlemen.

28) His accent is really country.

29) He's not from Alabama.

30) He works hard.

Okay I really think I should stop now before I give you too much ammunition to make fun of me with. I'm smitten and I can't help it. I guess admitting it is the first step. God, I just wish I dealt a little better with the uncertainty of it all. That's what gets my panties in a bunch. I suppose there's not a whole hell of a lot I can do about that though. I guess my only option is just to see how this all plays out.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Kiss on My List

I saw the Cowboy Monday night. He walked me to my car as usual and came in for the hug. This time he actually planted the kiss on my lips though. Too bad I really didn't get to enjoy it because I was preoccupied with a drunk CAT in the passenger seat. Progress is a beautiful thing. He called me last night too and seemed disappointed that I was too tired to see him. I guess that's a good sign.

A little glitch though. We were hanging out at the bar Monday night sitting on the couch talking to some friends. In walks Chunky. Turns out he and the Cowboy are friends. Chunky sits down across from me and just grins at me like a possum while I'm cuddled up to the Cowboy. Talk about a little uncomfortable. God, I hope guys don't gossip.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Rhinestone Cowboy

Well thanks for gathering around for this week's episode of "guess who I met this weekend". I'm starting to feel like I have a harem or something. Well anyways, I hope at the very least, that my social life is entertaining for all of you.

Friday night I went to the bar to hang out. It was a slow night and frankly I was bored. I was on the verge of leaving when a couple of bar friends came in. They asked me to join them for at least a beer before I took off. So I ordered a beer and sat at their table. A while later the Cowboy comes in and sits down with us. I'd met him several weeks ago and we've chatted casually in passing when we run into each other.

I'm calling him the Cowboy, not because he looks like one, but because he actually used to be one. He rode bulls in the rodeo. And no there isn't a cowboy boot, Wranglers or a big ass belt buckle in sight. There's a tattoo, a piercing and a pair of Diesels instead. Now if you're going to be a cowboy, then that's the kind of cowboy I can handle.

We're hanging out with everyone talking about everything from birthdays to shoes. During the shoe conversation I find out the Cowboy has a thing for shoes (not women's shoes but men's, although he did compliment my shoes). The boy has pretty good shoe taste as he was wearing a very nice pair of Kenneth Cole's. Then proceeds to tell me where the best shoe department is in Atlanta. In his opinion it's Nordstrom. Okay at this point my jaw drops. Not only do I love shoes, I love Nordstrom's shoe department. We even love the same Nordstrom in Atlanta (the one at Perimeter Mall). We continue to hang out for the rest of the night until the guy he came with is ready to leave. He tells me how much he enjoyed talking to me, hugs me and kisses me on the cheek. Awwww.

Saturday I go to the bar to see the band that was playing and when I walk in I go over to talk to CAT. Lo and behold there sits the Cowboy at the end of the bar. CAT told me he'd come in by himself and had been sitting there for about half an hour when I came in. He and I grab some stools together and again sit there talking all night. During our conversation I find out that he remembered when my birthday was from the group conversation before, that he noticed my shoes when I walked in and he's knows about Amazing Grace lotion by Philosophy. At this point I had to ask him if he were gay. He wasn't offended and assured me that he was in deed very straight. I guess it was rude to ask but I needed to know. Before he walked me to my car he asked me for my number and even though the Sugar Daddy experience was still fresh, I gave it to him. He told me he'd call me Sunday. I got another hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Sunday he called and we talked for over an hour on the phone. After I showered I called him back and he asked if he could come over and see me. I like him so far, so I figure I'll roll with it even though it seems kind of soon to be seeing each other every day. He comes over to the house and we spent the next four hours sitting on the couch, you guessed it, talking. He left at 10:00 so I could get some sleep. Again he hugs me and kisses my cheek. I stood in the front door giving him the universal signal for "you can kiss me now" and he just told me he'd call me Monday and left.

I've been sitting here all day wondering if he's interested or he just wants a shoe shopping buddy. It's not like I want to sleep with him at this point but you'd figure I might at least get a kiss on the lips. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Freeze Tag

Taylor tagged me and I honestly had nothing else to write about so here comes my first blog survey...

10 years ago: October 7, 1995
I was a freshman at Clemson living with the roommate from hell and adjusting to college life. I was taking Intro to Graphic Communications, Intro to Psychology, Chemistry 105, College algebra and some kind of computer programming class. At least those are the only ones I can remember. I lived on the third floor in one of the shoeboxes and even though the weather was starting to cool, we had to keep our window open with a fan going non stop all winter long because our room was like an oven.

5 years ago: October 7, 2000
I've been in Atlanta for about 8 months. I've also been at my first job out of college for 8 months. I hate Atlanta and the job. I'm glad I've found Taylor (he's making my life bearable) and I don't know what I'd do without him. I'm also glad LBG and I have managed to stay in touch after college. We talk all the time even though she's in New Jersey and I'm here. We email each other everyday at work. Our 'Miss You' line make me smile. My across the hall neighbor is crazy as a shithouse rat and the police have come twice to take her away. I have got to get out of here before I go nuts too.

1 year ago: October 7, 2004
I'm still living in Alabama. Still at my first job out of college. Hate the job. Hate Alabama. Everything is pretty much stagnant. It's been a pretty rough year but here are some high points: I'm looking forward to A's baby being born in December. I've lost roughly 50 pounds.

I was cold all day. It rained off and on. I went to a Fall Festival at a local school. I was tired. I just wanted someone to hold me as I drifted off to sleep.

5 snacks I enjoy:
low fat chips and salsa; sugar free jello with lite cool whip; pickles; Weight Watchers ice cream treats; peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

5 songs I know all the words to:
The Gambler (Kenny Rogers); I'll Be There for You (Bon Jovi); Wild Horses (The Rolling Stones); I Will Survive (Gloria Gayner); Ain't No Mountain High Enough (Marvin Gaye)

5 things I would do with a million dollars:
Pay off my car; invest; buy some diamond studs from Tiffany's; give money to my friends and family; give to cancer and aids charities

5 things I would never wear:
a tube top; those net looking slip-on flip flop things (sorry LBG), a skirt so short you could see my business; someone else's underwear; a trucker hat

5 bad habits:
chewing on my nails; sneaking bites of food I know I shouldn't have; saying the word 'like' constantly; lying; shopping too much when I know I need to be saving money

5 favorite toys:
my rabbit; my new cell phone; the direct tv remote; the cd player in my car; my nephew

Now tagging 5 people and they are...
Well if you feel like it and since you're the only 5 people that read my blog that Taylor didn't tag already:

Thursday, October 06, 2005

She's Always a Woman

Once gain I find myself completely enamored of a Billy Joel song. I keep listening to She's Always a Woman over and over again. What is it about this song?

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to live
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe you
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free
She steals like a thief
But she's always a woman to me

Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She will promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me

She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
But she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me
- Billy Joel

Monday, October 03, 2005

Almost Perfect

So apparently I've turned into a 12 year old girl and I'm boy crazy...

UPDATE: I laid it out for the Sugar Daddy. Said what I had to say. He said he appreciated my honesty and a bunch of other crap that I had trouble making heads or tails of. Tommy Lee came over and talked to both of us. Tommy was touching me a little too much trying to mark his territory. Sugar Daddy got mad and left. A while later he called and left a snippy voicemail on my cell phone. He hasn't called me since. Good riddance, I say. Tommy Lee and I had a much needed discussion about things. He apologized and wants us to be friends. I agreed. So there you go, the Sugar Daddy has been dealt with, Tommy Lee and I are cool again and I'm still hoping to run into Chunky. You would think that this would be enough for anyone, but oh no...

LBG and I headed to Wake Forest Friday for the Clemson game. We decided to go to this particular game because she was stalking a boy that goes to school there. Okay that sounds much worse than it is. He's a friend of our friend's husband, she knew of him when we all went to Clemson, she sat with him and our married friends at the Clemson/Texas A&M game so they do have some history. Our married friends were going to visit him for the Wake Forest game so LBG decided we should drive up there too, since she'd have a good chance of being able to hang out with him some.

We meet them out at a bar when we got into town Friday night. Some other friends of his from Clemson had come to visit as well. Besides our married friends, there was a couple who were dating and Frodo. I thought Frodo was cute when we all made the initial introductions but that was about it. As the night wore on LBG and I started playing our movie game* with Frodo and our friend's husband. After a boys vs girls game that went on for quite some time, somehow it became a game between just Frodo and me. The more we played, the more we laughed, the closer we got, the more everyone else just faded into the background. I was kicking his ass by the way because to quote him, I'm "unbeatable". In addition to being cute, he's funny, smart, sweet, good natured, laid back, fun and loves movies. Could he be any more perfect?

Eventually everyone was ready to leave. Frodo asked several times if LBG and I were coming back the house to hang out some more. We decided we would but we'd driven to the bar, whereas everyone else had walked from Wake boy's house. Wake boy's roommate rode with LBG and I to give us directions. On the less than 5 minute drive to Wake boy's house Frodo calls me to continue playing our movie game. They all get home and Frodo and I are hanging out on the couch, shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh. I'm getting the "I want to kiss you" vibe from him. All of a sudden he jumps up and says he needs to get beer. He comes back with the beer and goes out to the porch. A little while later I make my way to the porch and several of us are standing around talking.

LBG yells at me from inside the house to come in for a minute. I go in and she tells me that she just found out that Frodo has a girlfriend. They've been together for like 8 years or something. I'm absolutely crushed and feeling like a jackass all at the same time. Of course he has a girlfriend. Why wouldn't a guy this great already be taken? I ended up feeling really stupid for thinking he was interested but LBG says that he totally was. He just can't act on it because he has a girlfriend. He never once did anything inappropriate and he was completely loyal. That just makes me like him a little more.

We still managed to have fun the rest of the weekend but things with Frodo obviously weren't the same. I knew he had a girlfriend, he knew I knew he had a girlfriend. The drive home was kind of sad though. I even cried a little, not sobbed mind you but shed a few tears. I know that I have no chance in hell of being with this guy but we just had such a strong instant connection and great chemistry. It made me sad to know that I'd had that kind of spark with someone that was in love with another girl. I really hope my lobster is out there somewhere and that when I meet him he'll be unattached.

FYI: LBG's man turned out to be a complete ass and now she hates him.

*Our movie game rules: Someone names an actor, the next person names a movie said actor was in, the next person names another actor in the same movie, the next person names another movie that actor was in.
Example: Julia Roberts, Notting Hill, Hugh Grant, Love Actually, Alan Rickman, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Maggie Smith, The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, etc.