Good Day Sunshine

Okay bear with me here, cause I don't necessarily think of myself as negative, though I'll give you cynical. I am what I am. Being that it's a Monday, and I hate Mondays, and seeing that I'm feeling especially optimistic and bright, it's a little off-putting. I'm trying to take advantage though.

I made quite the declaration at the beginning of this fine year and I'm trying to stick with it. There has been a time or two, when yes I got a little mired down in the muckity-muck, but I've done my best to shake it off and get back to the bright and shiny outlook. Well getting off my ass may not seem like much of an accomplishment, but believe me it is. I GOT OFF MY ASS! YEAH ME!

Okay a little explanation is in order. For, well almost two years now, I've had this love/hate idea with going to grad school. I've pretty much hated this job since I started it 6 years ago and haven't had much luck in locating another. Well then it became clear that I really had no interest in continuing with this line of work and one thing led to another and I came up with grad school. In order to get accepted to grad school, any grad school, I of course have to take the GRE. I've been putting off the GRE for a little over a year now. I suck at math and my "practice score" scared the hell out of me to the point that I've been petrified to take the damn thing.

I didn't relish the idea of my big, fat failure staring me in the face, so I've taken up residence in the "avoidance stage" of my psyche for quite some time now. I talking to the point where I bought a cottage and started renovations, point of avoidance. Well I think I just evicted myself from avoidance-ville. On April 5, at 12:00 pm EST, I will be taking the GRE. I finally decided that even if I failed (and as much as I HATE to fail at anything) that I just needed to do it and get it over with. If I completely bomb the damn thing then I'll just take it again (up to 5 times, once a month, until 2007 if need be). So for the next week and a half I'm going to be cramming my ass off! Wish me luck.

Listen to the Music

Your Life: The Soundtrack

Opening credits:
"La Grange" ZZ Top
Waking up:
"Manic Monday" The Bangles
Average day:
"Summer Breeze" Jason Mraz
First date:
"She's a Bad Mama Jama" Carl Carlton
Falling in love:
"Feeling Love" Paula Cole
Love scene:
"I've Been Loving You Too Long" Otis Redding
Fight scene:
"Since You've Been Gone" Kelly Clarkson
Breaking up:
"You're No Good" Linda Ronstadt
Getting back together:
"Love You Madly" Cake
Secret love:
"Beast of Burden" The Rolling Stones
Life's okay:
"Groovin" The Rascals
Mental breakdown:
"Zombie" The Cranberries
Driving:
"Ain't No Mountain High Enough" Marvin Gaye (it's my driving song cause I sing it at the top of my lungs and no one needs to hear all that but me!)
Learning a lesson:
"Never is a Promise" Fiona Apple
Deep thought:
"Colorblind" Counting Crows
Flashback:
"Tangerine" Big Head Todd & the Monsters
Partying:
"Raspberry Beret" Prince
Happy dance:
"Hip Shake" Robert Randolph and the Family Band
Regretting:
"Wild Horses" Rolling Stones
Long night alone:
"I Know" Jude
Death scene:
"Ruby Tuesday" Rolling Stones
Closing credits:
"Leaving On a Jet Plane" Chantal Kreviazuk

Dazed and Confused

I know Lent has already started and I'm not even Catholic, but I'm thinking maybe I should give up men for a while. Lately they're taking up way too much time and effort when there are more important things I need to be doing/contemplating.

I finally got around to seeing the Bartender Thursday night. I don't know if it was because I didn't go out and see him Tuesday night or if he just has a short attention span, but he had absolutely nothing to do with me Thursday. He said hello and took my drink order then thanked me for his tip, but that was all he said to me. No chatting me up, no running over to smell me, no nothing. I give up trying to understand what in the hell all of that was about. I will never understand men so I'm just not going to try. It's not really that big of a deal because I wasn't that into him in the first place, but hell if I like you on some level and you flirt with me, I'll totally flirt back. I think I do it more so just to see what will happen.

Tommy Lee is also puzzling the hell out of me. Last Thursday he ended up staying the night. This happens from time to time if I need a sober ride home or he wants a comfy bed to sleep in (instead of the love seat at the studio). We sit in the bed and talk for a while, then when it's time to go to sleep we, okay I, put on my pajamas and he strips down to his underwear, then we crawl under the covers and spoon (always at his request) until we fall asleep. See no big deal and we aren't doing anything to breach our "we're much better as friends and don't need to be naked together" agreement.

Well Thursday night we come home, get ready for bed, watch a little TV and then get ready to go to sleep. At the point where he should be grabbing me and dragging me over to him, he turns his back to me and there's no spooning. We aren't even touching. WTF? I have to admit I was a bit disappointed, especially since I'd been so royally dissed by the Bartender. I needed some lovin' from Tommy Lee. When my ego's a bit bruised it's nice to have a man to lean on that you know cares for you and thinks you're funny/pretty/smart/cool. So anyway I go to sleep with no spooning.

Friday afternoon I get a voicemail from Tommy (okay Tommy almost never randomly calls me) and after blabbering on about something for a few minutes, he ends the message with "love you, bye". Huh? This is not a word we use. I know it's not like he said I love you, but still Tommy Lee has NEVER used the word love in that context with me ever before. I've heard him say it plenty but it's usually along the lines of "I think I'm in love with this chick who blew me Saturday night". I found it a little odd.

When I called him back later and he found out I was on my way to Atlanta for some St. Patrick's Day celebrations he said, "please be really, really careful". Again a bit weird. Then when we were getting off the phone he thanked me for last night and this morning. Um, unless I was completely out of it, I don't recall anything happening that he needed to thank me for. Then he made me promise I would be careful (again) over the weekend. It's like invasion of the Tommy snatchers all of a sudden. I'm so fucking confused...

Mary Queen of Arkansas

Okay so finally on to the road trip...

LBG, J and I struck out early last Thursday morning, headed for Arkansas and The Rolling Stones. We were actually making pretty good time until we got to Memphis. Since we were doing so well time-wise we thought it would be cool to stop and eat lunch on Beale Street. In search of Beale Street we go. Now none of us have spent any time in Memphis and this was kind of an impromptu pit stop so we had no idea where Beale Street really was. We have an atlas and that's pretty much it. I'm driving and J and LBG are navigating. Somehow in our search for Beale Street, we managed to cruise the worst parts of Memphis. I liken it to a third world country. I had no idea that Memphis, for the most part, was so impoverished.

So after attempting to follow signs to Beale Street, crossing the Mississippi Rivier four times (yep, I said four and for the record we were laughing hysterically the entire time) and giving up, we passed Beale Street on the way to picking up the interstate that would get us to Little Rock. Since we happened upon Beale Street, even after wasting an hour looking for it, we still decided we had time to stop and eat. Just picking some random place, we rolled into The Pig on Beale (Pork with an Attitude). We all ordered barbecue sandwiches and onion rings. The food was pretty awesome. Some of the best onion rings I've ever had (although I think the ones from Chips in Dallas are just a little bit better, but it's almost like comparing apples and oranges, but I digress). After we eat it's back on the road.

We pull into Little Rock just before 6:30 p.m. The concert starts in roughly an hour. There's a mad dash to get ready and by the time we finally get to the show, having to stop for a big ol' beer before we find out seats, we'd missed just a bit of the opening act. Since Merle Haggard was the opener and I'm not all that familiar with his music, I wasn't too broken up about. He wasn't bad though. After the opening set, we decided to go in search of liquor, 'cause the beer just wasn't gettin' it.

We finally find the "cocktail bar" and wait in line FOREVER. Thankfully they allowed you to order a double and they were pretty strong. We made it back to our seats before The Stones took the stage. It was an awesome show and I got to see them perform several songs I'd never seen live. I got especially excited when they launched into Dead Flowers. It's one of my absolute favorites! Here's the set list:

Jumping Jack Flash
Let's Spend The Night Together
It's Only Rock'n Roll
Oh No Not You Again
Dead Flowers
Back Of My Hand
Tumbling Dice
Midnight Rambler
Night Time Is The Right Time --- Introductions
This Place Is Empty (Keith)
Happy (Keith)
Miss You (to B-stage)
Rough Justice
Get Off Of My Cloud
Honky Tonk Women (to main stage)
Sympathy For The Devil
Start Me Up
Brown Sugar
You Can't Always Get What You Want (encore)
Satisfaction (encore)

The next day we decided to explore Little Rock. We ended up down at the river front area near the Clinton library (damn there go my Democratic tendencies again!). After lunch at The Underground Pub, J went to the library and LBG and I (in typical fashion) poked around the neighborhood and shopped. The River Market there on the Arkansas River was so cute. There were lots of different types of food vendors representing. Almost like the food court in the mall, only way cuter, more authentic and with much better food. Next we went to the crafty people and both ended up buying bracelets made out of old typewriter keys. They were too cute to pass up. So after exploring the neighborhood and meeting back up with J, we paid 50 cents to ride a trolley from Little Rock to North Little Rock and back. That was the best 50 cents I think I've ever spent. The trolley ride was nice and informative (we didn't know it included a mini tour of the city) and the trolley driver was pretty fucking hysterical.

That evening we ventured out for dinner to the Cajun's Wharf. The restaurant was pretty cool (albeit hard to find, 'cause once again we got a little lost). They had a pretty happening little bar area with live music, which we enjoyed while waiting for our table. All three of us ordered seafood and after sampling each other's plates determined that everyone had some damn good food. In my opinion the food wasn't really Cajun in the traditional sense, but more like nouveau Cajun cuisine. Still it was very good and I was pleasantly surprised to get seafood that good in Little Rock.

After dinner we cruised back to the river front area to hit a bar or two. After wandering around for a few minutes, we finally settled on The Flying Saucer. It looked laid back, not too trendy, they had a live band and the cover was cheap ($2). After ordering our drinks, the only table we could find was right up front near the stage. We grab the table and settle back to listen to the band.

They were called The Crumbs and the band consisted of three guys playing bluegrass music. They didn't just play bluegrass though. They played modern classics but bluegrass style. Purple Rain a la bluegrass. Some other songs they played: You Can't Always Get What You Want, Cocaine, The Tide is High and The Joker. They were awesome and so much fun to watch. These guys were having a damn good time playing music. I wish we could have hung out long enough to catch the rest of their set, but we'd had a big day and everyone was ready to go back to the hotel and crash.

Saturday after breakfast at the River Market, we were getting ready to start the journey home when we ran into two of the guys from The Crumbs. It was nice to be able to tell them how much we enjoyed their show. Apparently they quite enjoyed having us in the audience as well. On the way back we decided to stop in Memphis again. (We were trying to decide if Memphis might warrant a weekend trip and we'd had Memphis barbecue, but not Memphis ribs). This time we decided to try the ribs at The Blues City Cafe. We were not disappointed. They were some of the best ribs I think I've EVER put in my mouth. So we can definitely agree that Memphis has good barbecue.

LBG and J dropped me off in Alabama shortly after 9 o'clock Saturday night. I think I can safely say that we all had a great time on the way to Little Rock. We had fun on the way back from Little Rock. That trip is best made with companionship because after Birmingham there's not shit until Memphis (unless you count the Tupelo exit) and after Memphis there's nothing until Little Rock. We were all surprised how much fun we had in Little Rock. I might like to (at some point) go back to Little Rock. And last but not least, when they say that Memphis has good barbecue, they ain't lyin'!

Smells Like Teen Spirit

Okay I know I said I'd be filling you in about the road trip to Arkansas, but I had kind of a weird Monday night and it's my blog, so I figure I can do whatever I damn well please.

My friend Abbey who has up until last Monday night had a standard gig at "the bar" every Monday. Two nights ago, he calls me and tells me that he won't be playing at "the bar" any more but now he's decided to play at the other bar. The bar the Young Republican works at part time. He started working there not too long ago because his very good friend is the Bartender and part owner.

So anyways, I went to the other bar Monday to support Abbey. The Young Republican is there as well as several other people I know. The Young Republican does his little wave thing when he sees me. After a bit the Bartender comes in. He walks by me and squeezes my shoulder and says hello. I smile back.

Later in the night I'm going back to my seat after a trip to the bathroom and the Bartender (who is not working) stops me as I pass by him sitting at the bar. He tells me I look very pretty and that he loves my fashion sense. (Okay I have to interject, when did straight men get so comfortable complimenting a woman's sense of fashion? Nice to hear but it's a little odd.) I thanked him, gave him a hug and told him it was nice to hear things like that once in a while. When I hugged him, he smelled me. Then he complimented my perfume and asked what I was wearing. Then he asked if I was leaving and I told him no. He asked if I were still drinking and I told I was about to finish with my beer but that I had planned to get another one. We parted ways and I went back to my table.

Previous to my interlude with the Bartender, I finally went up to the Young Republican and told him he was aloud to talk to me and not just wave at me from across the bar. This waving business is bullshit and I wanted him to know that I thought so. After I called him out he would stop by and chat or "accidentally" bump into me, or stick his tongue out at me (hello third grade called and apparently they're missing a student). But I prefer the childish, playful behavior to the "waving from across the bar" crap.

I get back to my table after chatting with the Bartender and not 2 minutes later a beer appears in from of me. In another 2 minutes the Bartender comes over with another beer. Turns out some creepy dude sitting behind us bought me the first one and obviously the second one was from the Bartender. After a bit the Bartender comes back over and sits down beside me. The Young Republican is already sitting on my other side. Okay kind of weird. The Young Republican eventually has to go back to working. The Bartender again leans over and smells me and asks if I can come over and spray some of my perfume on his pillow so he can have sweet dreams (okay men are so retarded).

When I get ready to leave the Bartender insists that I go to eat with them at The Waffle House. It's late and I really need to get home but after some pleading and an offer to buy my breakfast, I agree to go. Once we leave the other bar, he then insists that I ride with him. Um, okay? Abbey and his girlfriend are already there. Then another friend of the group shows up and finally the Young Republican. We laugh, we eat, we drink coffee. Finally everyone gets ready to leave and as we're walking out the Young Republican sees I'm riding with the Bartender and doesn't look too happy about it. In fact when I told him good night he just keep walking without saying a word to me.

When the Bartender dropped me off at my car, I went to slide out and he grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards him. My brain is slightly freaking out at this point because I'm afraid he's going to try and kiss me. Instead he pulls me to him and smells me AGAIN! Then he tells me he just needed a "hit" before he drove home. I get out and tell him that he can smell me anytime since he seems to enjoy it so. At this point he says, "In that case, get your ass back in the car." I just laughed and opened my door. Before I get into my car he asked me what I was doing Tuesday night and I told him I had no plans. He tells me he'd like to see me but he's working so I should come by the bar and he'll buy me a drink. Then we say our good-byes and I leave.

Okay first of all, it felt like the Young Republican was flirting with me a little. Then I kind of felt like the Bartender was flirting with me a little. Then when I was sitting between them there seemed to be a little rivalry brewing, or as J said they were having a pissing match. When we got ready to leave The Waffle House the Young Republican didn't seem happy that I was leaving with the Bartender. WTF? So is the Bartender seemingly interested because the Young Republican got there first and is the Young Republican, who sent me packing, pissed off because now someone else wants to play with me? And don't guys have some kind of code about not going after a girl their friend was, well in the Young Republican's case, making out with?

Oh and an update on the Bartender front. I decided against going out to see him last night. One because I'm not really sure what's going on there and most importantly because my ass was asleep on the couch last night. He'd kept me out until 4:30 Tuesday morning and I was tired. Might drop by to see him tonight though.

Day Tripper

This past weekend was the much anticipated Little Rock Arkansas road trip. Why Little Rock, you might ask? Well because the Rolling Stones played the Alltel Area in Little Rock Thursday night. Yep, I (and J and LBG) hauled my ass all the way to Little Rock for the Stones. It was so worth it too. More to come on the trip later...

Rescue Me

Once again Tommy Lee came to my rescue. Mr. 40+ and I got into it last night and he was being a complete dick. Tommy swooped in and saved the day by cheering me up. So when Mr. 40+ left "the bar" last night without saying a word to me and with someone else, Tommy and I preceded to do a few rounds of shots and then go home and laugh our asses off. You can see I spent a great deal of time mourning that relationship. At least I don't have to have the "you're a really nice guy, but just not my Mr. Right" talk with him. Last night was like a Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card!

The Week (and a half) of Living Dangerously

The last week and a half have literally been hell. It all started when I got dumped for my political views. Then that next night (Saturday), I spent in the emergency room with my roommate's daughter. She was attempting to open a bottle of soy sauce with her teeth when lo and behold the neck of the bottle breaks and she slices her upper lip open. To the tune of 9 stitches. The next morning (Sunday), I had to get up at the butt-crack of dawn to take my roommate to the Atlanta airport for her trip to Jamaica.

The next few days went fairly well. I played nurse to the busted kid, took care of the house and looked after the dog. Not too bad. Tuesday night my stomach started to feel a little funny, but I chalked it up to the macaroni and cheese I'd eaten. Wednesday morning I woke up for work and after walking and feeding the dog, realized I felt like utter shit. After several trips to the bathroom I called in sick for work. After some sleep, Ginger Ale and crackers I had to go to the Atlanta airport to pick up my roommate. I was prepared with several trash bags, Pepto, Ginger Ale and the Saltines. Thank God, the stomach virus from hell held off long enough to get to and from the airport.

Thursday I was still sick. Friday I was feeling a little better but very puny so I stayed home again to try and get my strength back. Friday night I was feeling the best I had in days but knew I didn't need to push my luck so I was going to stay in. I was bored as hell and tired of being in the house, but it was for the best. Sadly, Friday night was the highlight of my weekend. Tommy Lee found out I was sick and bored out of my mind, so he called and told me he was coming over. We sat around and watched movies and he drank beer and I drank my Ginger Ale. I had a great time (except for being sick and all). This is when I like Tommy best of all. When he's not "on", he's just being himself. Himself is a pretty smart, funny, caring guy.

Saturday morning I woke up expecting to feel 100% better, but I'd had a relapse. I stayed in bed all day feeling like absolute shit. I watched a movie, I cried, I got all melancholy. It sucked! I finally managed to drag my ass into the shower at some point after 8 o'clock that night and made myself put on make-up and go out to "the bar". I had to take CAT something anyway so I figured I'd at least get out of the house for a bit. I made it an hour and a half. I felt awful. I couldn't drink. I ran into the Cowboy. Which that actual turned out okay. He doesn't really bother me anymore so I can talk to him without getting angry. I walked over to the other bar with the Cowboy and Abbey. The Young Republican now works there part time. Of course he was working Saturday night and Abbey made a bee line to go talk to him. He kind of ignored me at first, then when he decided that he would eventually have to acknowledge me, he waved. I stayed at the other bar very briefly and then decided to go back to "the bar" say my good-byes and go home.

The Cowboy is kind of touchy feely anyway but because I was sick he was very touchy feely. Rubbing my back, hugging me, kissing my cheek, you get the idea. When I got ready to leave the other bar, he insisted on walking me back to "the bar". I told him I could walk the half block there just fine but he refused to let me go alone. He tells Abbey who is talking to the Young Republican that he's walking me down there and he'll be back. As the Cowboy and I are leaving, he wraps his arm around my waist. I happen to turn back and the Young Republican is staring at me and doesn't look happy. Then he launches into some conversation with Abbey and is motioning towards me and the Cowboy. At this point I'm out the door. I don't know what the fuck that was all about but I'm guessing being friends is out of the question. I was cool with that but to be friends means you actually have to be friendly. He wasn't very friendly to me Saturday.

I get back to "the bar", tell CAT about the Young Republican and go the hell home. Sunday was better. I felt a great deal better but I was still wiped out. So I laid around and watched movies all day. Then Sunday night while watching the Oscars, I talked to Mr. 40+. Some time during the course of our conversation he pissed me off too. I'm getting to the point where I feel like saying "to hell with him", as well. Maybe it's better that I'm just on my own again.