Your Cheating Heart

I think I have the complete opposite of the Midas touch. Everything I seem to touch just turns to shit. I've managed to be some what drama free for the last few weeks and now drama has come knocking with a battling ram.

The Big Bad Wolf's ex-girlfriend has waged a war against me. I've gotten text messages, phone calls, nasty voicemails and even a page on MySpace. I've been labeled a home wrecking whore. Do I frankly care? Not really. Sticks and stones...

Unfortunately some rather unsavory facts about the Big Bad Wolf himself have surfaced in the process. The words serial cheater are still lingering on my voicemail. I didn't take a pissed off ex-girlfriend's words at face value so I asked him about it and got some conformation. Apparently he hasn't cheated on EVERY girlfriend he's had as she claimed, but he's cheated a fair amount. Now that's something that warms the cockles of my heart.

At this point I don't know what to think or to believe. I want to think he's sincere when he says the things that he does, but now everything seems suspect. Apparently he has an M.O. and he's been using it on me since day one. When we didn't see each other for the week of Thanksgiving break, he'd send me text messages telling me how much he missed me and how he wished he were with me. Yeah I'm nothing special because that seems to be one of his "things" according to the MySpace page. As does sending flowers when he's in trouble. I swear if I get flowers I'll scream, but I probably don't even warrant flowers at this point.

Not only do I not know if I can trust him, I don't even know if I can trust myself anymore. I used to think that I was a good judge of character but I fucking screwed the pooch on this one. My words from earlier posts are coming back to haunt me. How excited I was and how this time it felt so different. Turns out it wasn't any different. It was the same old shit just gift wrapped in pretty paper with a bow. God, I'm a fucking idiot.

I haven't completely closed the door on this one, but I just don't see how things can work. This is no kind of way to begin a relationship. The trust is gone and I'm suspicious of everything now. I hate being that girl and I doubt I'll be her for very long.

So here I am, 3 days away from my 30th birthday and the thing that I was so excited about has literally gone from sugar to shit at mach speed. It's getting harder every day to believe that I will find love with a man who actually deserves it.