Free Fallin'

Today I've felt a mix of nerves and excitement. I can't say it's a pleasant sensation for me but I think it's one I'm going to have to get used to considering the turn my life is about to take. I'm starting to get a bit nervous and frankly a little scared about all the changes that are about to happen. I'm going back to school at the ripe old age of (almost) 30 to (hopefully) begin a new career as, well, I don't know yet.

I guess I'm starting to get a bit freaked out at this vast undertaking. I can't claim to be a big risk taker, cause I'm not, and I think this is possibly the biggest and most expensive risk I've ever taken. On the one hand, I think this is a good thing because I hope it will allow me to be truly happy in my career, but on the other I'm terrified that I'm making a huge mistake. I guess if you knew how things would turn out then they wouldn't be called risks, but like I said I'm not really a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl. I find comfort in security.

I'm not so much worried that I won't do well in school. I think I'm going to be a much better student this time around and I still managed to graduate from a very tough program the first time. I just think the enormity of this complete 360 is beginning to sink in. I'm leaving everything I know behind. I'm leaving security, companionship, comfort, a social life, even love (how ever fucked up it may be) to take a gamble on myself. I just hope in the end it turns out to be worth it, but I just keep reminding myself that ultimately I'm worth it.