A Whole New World

I'm all over the place so please just roll with it. First and foremost, in case you were wondering, Tommy Lee and I have kissed and made up. Yeah, like you're really surprised. By the time we got around to talking things out I was tired of being pissed off anyway so there you go. I'd spent the better part of a week being miserable about the whole thing (I even cried for fuck's sake) and I just didn't feel like being miserable any more. Plus, like I said we did talk and both of us had some apologizing to do. Me for not letting him explain himself and just getting pissed right off the bat and he for several other things (like being a mean, stupid boy). Thursday night after he got off work, we had breakfast, talked and then went home to watch a movie.

Friday night Tommy was working again and I happily was sitting at the bar getting free drinks from The Dr.'s Son (who himself is a lawyer). He was hesitant to talk to me at first because he thought I'd be mad that he didn't call me. If I got pissed off every time a guy didn't call me I'd stay pissed off. So anyways we started chatting again and had a very nice time. So nice in fact that I went with him to feed his parent's dog (they were out of town). His family is fucking loaded. His parents (no he doesn't live with them) have a gorgeous old house with beautiful furniture and count 'em two tennis courts. He's showing me the upstairs and I'm glancing at the family photos on the walls (some formal and many informal) and there looking back at me is Jimmy Carter. We're not talking about the posed hand shake kind of photo here. I'm talking like a family picnic and Jimmy was there kind of photo. Bizarre... And yes we did make out on his mama's very nice leather couch and no he hasn't called me. According to my book, he's just not that into me. He's a mean kisser though and cute as all get out so I may just have to be a little slutty and pursue this a little further. After we departed from his parent's house I went back to the bar looking for CAT and ended up taking Tommy Lee home with me again.

Saturday night I had to work and Tommy's Rolling Stones cover band was playing at "the bar". I dropped him off at his house on my way to work. That night as they were playing, Tommy who is the lead singer, said "Now we're going to play more of a country type song. This one goes out to the lovely barback (that would be me)." Then the Lords of Altamont launched into Dead Flowers. I LOVE that song and when the Stones played it at the concert in March, I called Tommy so he could listen to it. I have to admit that melted my heart a little bit.

Tommy hung around until I got off work and then, yep you guessed it, went home with me. We sat in the kitchen and he rubbed my feet and we laughed and we talked about a lot of things. These are my favorite times with Tommy Lee. One thing we discussed is that he's stupid, crazy in love with me (and yeah I love him too). Oh, like you people didn't know that already. Even though it was nice to have my suspicions confirmed it also made me kind of sad. I think it's sad to love someone you can never be with and there's no way we can be together. We both know it. That's just how the world works sometimes, I guess. The Beatles were wrong, love isn't all you need and at least we're smart enough to realize it. He told me that I am destined for much bigger and better things in my life and he wasn't going to be the asshole that held me back. I can't argue with that. So we are what we are, whatever that may be and I guess that just has to be good enough.

He stayed Sunday night as well. He went home and slept in his own bed Monday night. Tuesday he called and asked me to meet him at "the bar". We hung out there for a bit then decided to go home and watch a movie. We stopped at the grocery store for a few things on the way and while I was in line he pumped a few quarters into a gumball machine and got two very lovely matching heart rings. I have one. He has the other (and yes upon last visual inspection we were both wearing them). He stayed Wednesday night too. I took him home around two o'clock today and promptly high-tailed my ass to Atlanta. I needed a Tommy break and LBG and I had plans.

The one thing I'm a little sad and confused about, is that after our talk Saturday night, or in the wee hours of Sunday morning, is that the snuggling and affectionate kissing has all but stopped. I don't really know what that's about. On the one hand I want it back and on the other maybe we're both just trying to create some distance before the real distance happens. I feel very strongly that I need to get out of Alabama and part of the reason is to get away from him, but he's one of the people that I will miss terribly.

This brings me to something else that I've been dealing with as of late. I've decided to postpone school for a while and "find myself". If I got into all the schools that I'm currently researching (all for very different things) I still don't know which course of study I would choose. I've spent way too long in a profession that I hated to do it all over again. I'm going to take some time and try and explore some of the avenues that I know little to nothing about. In the end this is the only way that I think I will make the best decision about my future. I broke the news to my parents about my delaying school and they were really supportive about it. It wouldn't have changed things if they hadn't been but I certainly feel better knowing that they think I'm doing what's best for me right now. For the first time in my life I don't know where I'm going or even what in the hell I'm doing, and it's scary, but I'm looking forward to it.