Wake Me Up (Before You Go Go)

Okay so my intense rambling of last night was a little unwarranted. I found out this morning that it's all going to be okay. I was so worried last night that I wasn't going to be able to start school in September that it just completely did me in. Things are still on track though, so the worrying was for naught. I just couldn't help it. I guess now I know just how much culinary school means to me. 'Cause when I didn't think it was going to happen, it literally felt like a small part of me was dying. I'm still not wholly convinced yet so when I'm there for orientation tomorrow I'm going to double and triple check to make sure.

I guess for the time being I can just go back to being upset over Tommy. Yes I know we don't even live in the same state and he still gets to me. His band was in town playing a show last Tuesday night. He had called and asked me to come the week before but I hadn't heard anything from him since. My roommate and I got there not long after they'd taken the stage. After the show we hung out waiting for the band to appear. Finally Tommy emerged and noticed me after a bit. He seemed really pleased that I'd come to see them. He immediately came over and didn't leave my side for the rest of the night.

In fact not long after he sat down with me, he wanted to know if he could stay at our house. I told him he could. My roommate left and so did the rest of Tommy's band. Then the two of us (at his insistence) got completely trashed and had to take a cab home. We stayed in bed the whole afternoon watching movies like the old days (well that and we had to wait for my other roommate to get off work and take us back to our cars).

After he left to go back to Alabama, I wasn't upset at all. I'd had so much fun with him, there was no drama and I'd gotten the one thing I'd wanted with Tommy; just one more night together with no bullshit. And no we didn't have sex. He kissed me at one point but that's nothing new. I kept that feeling for about two days after he left.

Then around Friday night the shit sank in. I started missing him like crazy and just feeling utterly alone. It is beyond me how you can live with two people and still feel completely alone, but it happens. It also didn't help that he kept calling me over the weekend either. I have a love/hate relationship with hearing from him. On the one hand he's my friend and I love that he calls me, but on the other when I'm wading through crap like that, it just makes me feel more alone and sad. I kept tearing up at random points through out the weekend and finally on Sunday, LBG put in Felicity and I just let it all out and really cried.

This whole business with school has certainly taken my mind off of Tommy the last day or so but I'm sure it will come back. I don't want to stop seeing or talking to him but I do want these crappy feelings that it brings about to go away. I know I'm nursing a bit of a broken heart but it needs to hurry up and heal faster. Maybe Charlotte will be far enough away for that to happen.