Goodbye to You

I'm back in Alabama for a few days saying my last good-byes and tying up a few loose ends. I won't be coming back for quiet some time once school starts. I find it kind of fitting that I came back when I did because I realized that Saturday was the one year anniversary of my first date with Tommy Lee. When I go back and read my blog entries from that time, it's pretty surreal. I never thought by accepting that dinner invitation that I would end up where I am now. And for all intents and purposes, where I am isn't too bad.

Before Tommy, I was scared to death of getting my heart broken, to the point of not dating at all. I'm still not sure what made me say yes to him because he wasn't anything like what I was looking for. I'm so glad that I listened to the voice in my head and said yes. For all the bad things that may have come about or however crappy the situation made me feel at times, I think all in all he was good for me. Believe it or not, he taught me a lot about myself. One of the most important things being, that I did get my heart broken and I'm still alive and kicking. I will live to love another day.

I know Tommy and I are at a point where we're friends again, but I can't help but feel like when I leave here tomorrow that I'm closing that chapter of my life. I'm not saying that when I leave I will stop missing him or thinking of him, because I won't. I think I will carry him with me always because he has meant so much to me, but things are never going to be the same. I still don't think he's completely forgiven me for leaving and maybe I can't quiet forgive him for not loving me enough to make me want to stay. As someone very wise once said, "it is what it is", and Tommy and I certainly can't be more than that.

I thought it was only fitting to include this photo of Tommy and me during happier days. This is my favorite picture of the two of us because it isn't staged, we aren't posing. We didn't even know anyone was taking our picture. I think it's a tender moment we're sharing that someone just happened to capture. And I'm so glad that they did.