World Gone Wrong

*Warning this entry may contain more information than you care to know. Nothing is very detailed or graphic in nature, but proceed at your own risk*

I'm not really sure where to begin. There are so many things swirling around in my head that it's hard for me to organize my thoughts. I guess I should just try to begin at the beginning.

I didn't break things off with Tommy Lee as I had planned to. A discussion was had. Boundaries were set forth. Agreements were made. All I can say is that I was satisfied with how the situation turned out. I have no preconceived notion that this is actually going anywhere but I like spending time with him. I don't think that's a bad thing as long as everyone is clear about the situation and on board.

Saw him Monday a week ago. Had fun as usual. We left the bar together and apparently some kind of lurid comment was made. He made me go back into the bar with him and made me sit there for 5 minutes so he could be seen leaving without me. That was kind of sweet although he could've stopped the gossip then and there if he'd just said that we weren't sleeping together.

Saw him Friday night. He was acting kind of odd, but I attributed it to the fact that they had a photo shoot scheduled that night and things weren't going according to plan. After the photo shoot, he's still acting kind of strange. I'm sitting there talking to his friend and all of sudden Tommy Lee just gets up and leaves. Doesn't say anything to anyone. I sit there for awhile and after about 30 minutes I decide to go look for him. I run into him in the alley heading back to the bar. He takes me back inside.

We hang out for a while then he launches into this "I'm nothing but trouble for you. You should just stay away from me. All I'm going to do is disappoint you and make you hate me. Blah, Blah, Blah" What the fuck dude? Then he tells me that when he left earlier he wasn't going to come back. When I asked him why he would do that, he said that he didn't want to have to be honest with me about things. So I sit there for almost 45 minutes while he tells why it's not a good idea to get involved with him romantically. That we should just be friends because if we sleep together then I'll eventually hate him and he just can't stand the thought of me hating him. That he just can't have a girlfriend right now. It's just not possible. And that he should've kept his mouth shut because he's just screwed up the best thing that's happened to him in a long time. (Okay, can we say bi polar?)

What do I do? Inform him that he really likes me and he's just scared (which he completely admits to). Tell him I don't remember asking to be his girlfriend but since he keeps telling me over and over again that he can't have one, I'm left to wonder who he's trying to convenience, me or him. And that I've never considered him long term relationship material but I enjoy his company when he's not being a spaz. Then I make him buy me a few shots and sleep with him anyway (I'd already had made up my mind, Friday night was the night and it's pretty damned hard to dissuade me when my mind is made up). And the sex was not good. In fact I'm not entirely sure we actually had sex. Note to self, Tommy Lee is not at his best after a night of drinking and logistically a 6'3" man on a 3 foot love seat is never a good fit.

I want to leave after the disaster has subsided but he won't let me. He needs to be held. Okay when did I become the guy in this situation? So I hold him, (WTF) and doze off for about an hour and a half. I wake up and decide to leave so I can get a decent night sleep, because it just isn't happening with both of us on a three foot love seat. So I crawl out from under him and begin collecting clothes. Shoes, check. Bra, check. Shirt, check. Purse, check. Pants....okay they have to be around there somewhere. Surely they're just under this blanket. Okay they aren't under the blanket. Nope, not on the drum kit. What's that on the speaker? Oh those are his pants. Maybe they're behind the love seat. Not there either. Damn it, I can't leave without pants!

So I'm trapped with a snoring, naked Tommy Lee and no pants. I have no choice but to crawl back on the love seat with him and try and get some sleep. I doze off and on for a few hours. Somewhere around 7:30 I hear the faint strains of music coming from next door. I think fleetingly that his friend, we'll call him Vince, has an upholstery shop next door. Maybe I should wake him and ask. While I'm thinking of a way to wake him, I fall back asleep. The next thing I know, I'm jolted awake by the sound of a key in the lock. I have enough time to yell "fuck" as I pull the sleeping bag over my head and ass (still haven't found my pants). Tommy Lee is scrambling to cover his bits and pieces as Vince walks through the door.

Vince comes in and starts talking to Tommy as he's looking for something in the back. It was dark in the studio but I fail to see how Vince wouldn't notice that the lump on the love seat was much bigger than it should have been. Tommy swears he didn't even look over at us but I'm not buying it. My head was covered and my ass was covered, but other than that I'm not sure what was sticking out. After Vince leaves we start throwing clothes on in a hurry. Tommy finds my pants in love seat. He'd been sleeping on them. Then we make sure the coast is clear and sneak over to my car. He kisses me, bums a cigarette, kisses me again and walks off.

I haven't talked to him since and I know he's going to be weird about the whole thing. In fact I completely expect him to avoid me for as long as he possibly can. Oddly enough I'm okay with that. I was ready and it was time. Enough said. Besides, he'll come around. He always does. And I should at least get a decent night of sex out of this whole thing. He owes me that much for putting up with his bullshit.

Now here comes the really fucked up part. This morning I get to work and open my personal email. I see a name in the in box. I blink hard, hoping I'm just seeing things. Nope, there's my ex boyfriend's name, bold as brass. I haven't spoken to him in years. This is the guy that ripped my heart out of my chest, drove spikes through it, ran over it, set it on fire, put it in a blender and hit frappe, then gave it back to me and repeated the entire process about three more times. He left me an utter mess and it's taken me years to get past some of that shit. Now when I'm finally right there, it's like he knows and decides to "drop me a line". Here's the email for your viewing pleasure.

Sitting here messing around the internet and saw your name so I thought I'd see how life was. Hope all is well, hate I could not make the class reunion, but (old high school friend) said he saw you thier. I am doing well serving in the army, station in Hawaii so I guess it could be alot worse. anyway just wanted to say hey. take care and write back if you ever get a chance. Later Jackass who broke your heart (okay so I added that last bit)

Needless to say spelling and grammar were never his strong suits. Yet another reason why it wouldn't have worked out in the end, but I digress.

What the fuck is this about? I know for a fact that he got married a few years back and they spit out a kid, yet no mention of wife or kid. I'm just dumbfounded. I thought I made it pretty clear back in college that I didn't want anything to do with him anymore and for years it seemed he understood that. Now I guess he thinks that enough time has passed that we can be pen pals. Yeah I don't think so Bubba. It's like he knew, somehow that I was sleeping with someone else so he just had to write and fuck with my head. I don't know what to think other than Karma has a twisted sense of humor where I'm concerned. Now I'm freaking out because I don't know if I should write him back or just ignore it completely. Damn my life just got messy.